Well it’s still August… no really! I’ve survived the family reunion and my birthday with only minor damage. A few bumps and bruises… those canes and walkers can really pack a wallop!

During my recovery I had an intuitive grasp of reality, yeah I get those once in a while and no matter what kind of grasp I get on reality… I really hang on!

Anyways this little grasp of reality came to me in the form of a question. My mother asked me “Does it still hurt?”. She was of course referring to the bruise on my shin that she lovingly place there with her four legged cane after I announced that she was the winner of the family reunions’ first annual wrinkle contest!

I never thought for a minute that she could lift that thing high enough to whack me with it! “Lighten up Mom or I’ll take back the Anti Wrinkle Cream you won as a prize!” Sore winner. Sheeze!

While rubbing my bruised shin I started thinking about all the conversations at the reunion and realized that there were an awful lot of “questions”. They started out like “How are you?”, “What have you been doing?” and ended up like “Why did you do that?”, “Who invited him?”, “Can I borrow your cane?” and “Will you throw this at him?”

As I drifted off into the cavernous wastelands to ponder a while, I had an apiff… epipin… epiphin… a sudden perception of the essential nature of something… we humans ask a LOT of questions! In fact we are the only species on the planet that can ask questions. No really!

Every where you go people are asking questions there’s just no end to it! Even when reading our mail there’s questions! As a species I find we are addicted to questions, we cannot go through our day without asking at least one question, I tried and failed miserably.

So I decided to conduct a little experiment to count how many questions I asked or was asked in a single day. For three days I kept track of questions asked whether in emails, phone calls, or face to face conversations. The average count of questions for a single day was 190! That’s a lot of brain drain to have to deal with that many questions in a single day.

Go ahead, try to go through one day without asking any questions, betcha can’t do it!

You have to count the questions you ask when you’re looking in the mirror too like “What’s that on my nose?” or “Did I get it all?” when brushing your teeth, those are questions.

Some people ask questionable questions, or answer your question with another question, how lame is that? There are some questions that have not changed for thousands of years like “What the…?”, “Do I have to?”, “Why?”, or “Huh?”.

And my favorite one “Are we there yet?”. Why do kids continue to ask that question? Isn’t it obvious that if we were there we would want to get them out of the vehicle as soon as possible?

By the way there were 18 questions in this article so if you tried to get through today without any questions you already blew it, didn’t you?

Damn that’s 19

~ Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com

Well it’s August already… no really… and this month is stated to be the month that more people will go on vacation than any other month of the year. Hmmm…

“Hey kids lets go to Disney World and sweat our arses off!”

Never understood that whole concept, I mean why go to one of the hottest places on the planet during the hottest months of the year where the mosquito’s fight the alligators for the rights to eat you first after you pass out from heat exhaustion!

Not to mention standing in line for a couple of hours just to get on one ride, what a crock! I suppose if you really wanted to get rid of an unruly child it would be the perfect place to go in August.

“Hey Mable where’s little Jimmy?”

“Umm… I don’t know Jeb, he was just standing here screaming obscenities at me about his ice cream cone melting… oh wait what’s that wriggling mass up there above the trees?”

“THAT’S NO WRIGGLING MASS MABLE… THAT’S LITTLE JIMMY BEING CARTED OFF BY THOSE FOUR MILLION MOSQUITO’S… UH OH wait… they just dropped him in that alligator pit… OH MY G… eew…”

“He’s gone Jeb… sniff sniff… little Jimmy’s gone!” AHHH… AHHH… AHHH HA… AH HA HA HA… HA HA HA… let’s go eat.”

August is also the the month of the most family reunions. Wikipedia states: a typical family reunion will assemble the survivors of grandparents, and great-grandparents for a meal, some recreation and discussion.

Survivors? Yeah those are the ones that weren’t unruly or whose parents couldn’t afford to take them to Florida in August! Whew… sure glad we were poor when I was a kid!

Reunions use to be fun as a kid. It’s mostly been held in a park by Lake Erie or some other body of water. One of the best ones I can remember was held in a park by the Grand River that had a swimming hole. It was kind of a lazy day, hot and humid, just kicking back and chatting with the relatives, eating tons of food.

Then it came time for the kids to go swimming. They were all excited after having to wait a half hour after eating to jump in the swimming hole.

That’s when the fun began, screams of death started coming out of the mouths of babes as they all started running away from the river… covered with leeches! Whew wee should of seen them dancing! What a hoot!

Now that I’m older it’s like going to a nursing home bingo outing… sorry Mom, Pops, but it’s true! Every body seems to be umm… all grey and sagging and wrinkly! Or fat!

Well I’M NOT wrinkly! But my magic mirror did tell me that I’m developing some “MAN BOOBS”, and I still look like I’m six months pregnant! I really hate that mirror!

This year the reunion is on my birthday, somebody PLEASE come rescue me before I start a wrinkle counting contest and get clobbered with canes and walkers! Heh heh, well maybe there will be some fresh water sharks or rabid coons to play with this year… that would be fun.

~ Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com