This is the original uncut article written for the Voice Magazine which was rejected because of what was deemed inappropriate content by the editors.  The revised version will also be published here.

Aging parents are on the rise these days prompting the baby boomers to deal with things that really were not on their minds just a few years ago.

It’s what I term the…

“Turning of the Geezers”!

When your parents get into their 70’s they turn into “Geezers”, and then when they reach their 80’s, they turn into “Old Geezers”!

Then of course when they reach their 90’s they turn into “Super Geezers”!

This has started some new trends in the lives of the baby boomers, like “Geezer Sitting”!

Geezer sitting is a new phenomenon for the baby boomers and is quite like babysitting but in slow motion!

Here are some interesting similarities…

When babysitting you have to run around constantly to keep up with the little imps getting into and breaking things you really don’t want broke!

When Geezer sitting you have to run around constantly to keep the geezers from running into and breaking things they really don’t want broke, like hips and legs!

Kids like sneaking up behind you letting out loud shrieks scaring the bejesus out of you!

Geezers don’t like it when you sneak up behind them letting out loud shrieks scaring the bejesus out of them, super charging their pacemakers sending sparks out their belly buttons!

Babies have to wear diapers to keep all the poop in one convenient place for easy cleanup.

Geezers have to wear Depends to keep all the poop in one convenient place for easy cleanup.

As you can see Geezers and kids have much in common.

The only difference is in shopping for them. When shopping for kids you have to buy things to keep them occupied, and healthy, like toys and diapers.

When shopping for Geezers, however, there are several things… embarrassing things that you have to deal with.

For instance on the last shopping expedition for my Geezers, I had to pick up prescriptions and d-d-d-depends! You know the adult diapers.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t look at the cashier’s faces and see the right eyebrow raised as if chuckling to themselves:

“O-o-o-kay, having a little problem there buddy?”

Then having to go to their doctor’s office for an emergency supply of Viagra is a hoot when your name is the same as your 86 year old dad!  This also gets a raised eyebrow but this time it’s the left one which means the receptionist is thinking to herself:

“Hmm… where’s that guys phone number!”

Whoo-boy is she in for a surprise!

All this is not quite as embarrassing though, as having to go on a “Tampon Hunt” last night in our resort area for a lady friend who just started… “The Flow”!

When the lady bartenders would ask what I wanted I’d say:

“Uh… Umm… a Tampon?”

This of course got me two raised eyebrows, puckered lips, and eyes shifting back and forth!

“Uh… well… they are very handy for diarrhea” I’d say!

This of course got a disgusted chuckle but broke the ice and I was then successful in acquiring two!

I shudder to think what would have happened if I failed in my mission!

Perhaps ladies, you should just wear Depends when on “The Flow” I hear they can hold a lot!

Then I have to wonder… why does a doctor prescribe Viagra to an 86 year old man?

Mom’s scared to death of him now!

Hmm… don’t take me there!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com