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Games are things we humanoids have enjoyed doing since… well forever I guess.

For all we know even the earliest pre-cave dwelling Neanderthals might have enjoyed rolling cleverly shaped dino-poop balls over a cliff at each other!

Hah! I can just hear it now, “Auh, toocha merka doneckta conchoo, ug inka karaga lee, tookie tookie chaga tingkadoo… urka… urka… tongo… DANGA charkachoo!”

Oh sorry let me translate that for you.  “Hey Auh, looky who’s walking by down there, it’s UG and his twin brother LEE, hurry up and help me roll this dino-poop ball over the cliff… steady… steady… now… BINGO got em!”

Thus Bingo was born!  Hey don’t seem so surprised, ever go to a bingo game?  Those little ole ladies can be ruthless!

In fact I’m guessing that Dino-Poop Ball Rolling was probably responsible for many of the more aggressive games we enjoy today, like one of the most hostile games of our century… DIVORCE!

Yes divorce is a game; it’s a lawyer’s game where you get to be the poop ball and they get to be the rollers.  A faster spin with a slower roll will result in more money flying out of you for a longer period, and in the end… THEY always win!

What else did Neanderthals have to do but to find ways to skillfully shape dino poop?  If they rolled it in their hands just right a new game was born, like football and bowling!

Probably one day while wiping the dino poop off their hands with leaves, they found it amusing to flip the leaves on the table in a certain fashion and thus poker was born!

If there is anything that can destroy a man’s confidence in his manhood quicker than losing his first argument with a woman on the subject of “size doesn’t matter”… it’s playing poker!

Losing money, property or a business while flipping little pieces of cardboard around a table is not my idea of a meaningful manhood confidence building activity!  Oh you can develop a certain skill at it I’m sure, just as long as you are not… me!

There’s more than just one poker game, just as well as more than one poker hand.  There are several poker tips, lots of poker rules; you got poker stars, poker TV, poker parties, poker news, and my favorite… strip poker!

I really have no doubt that dino poop was responsible for our modern day poker!

I came to this conclusion only just weeks ago. I downloaded and have been playing this computer poker game to see if I could improve my skills.  I can now understand how people where driven to physical violence over a stupid game of cards!

It’s set in the Old West Texas period and has cute little 3D people that go from town to town to play poker for the chance to buy the various towns when you win enough money.

It was all cute and fun… up until at the point to continue the game I had to play and win against this obnoxious taunting woman!

I spent countless hours lost all my pretend money, all my pretend towns, in a pretend poker game against a pretend obnoxious taunting woman; all I wanted to do was “poker in the face!”  Damn Neanderthals!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com/

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It’s kind of funny sometimes when you are asked to describe something you normally take for granted. 

For instance, I was asked by a sort of swanky-high class-up-to-do lady about what my style of writing was… uhh… hmm… I’ll have to think about that one.

Then again while having a slightly alcohol induced tranquil conversation with “Q” and “Brutus” at our secret vacation encampment, clandestinely hidden deep within the hills of Pennsylvania, “Q” brought up the subject of “THONGS”… no not the kind you wear on your feet!

“Brutus” and I both looked at each other then instantly at “Q” to see if perhaps she had enough beers in her to maybe show us hers!  A lot of strange things can happen at camp and we’ve been waiting 10 years for this moment, but alas… no show, damn!

Anyways, when the thong conversation turned to… gulp… guy thongs, I know that “Brutus” has had to have worn one, at least once, because he stated how uncomfortable they were!

“Brutus you sly dog you!”

I must admit that I too was once talked into putting one on.  Hey it was a gift from a very sexy hot young lady… and it was silk… and, and passion purple… and, and vey soft… and, and kind of tingly… and, uhh… uhh, I swear I only wore it for her… in the bedroom, never in public… no really!

Uhh… ahem… now that I’ve absolutely exposed myself to public humiliation, let’s get back to the story… shall we?

As soon as Brutus made the claim of how uncomfortable thongs were for men to wear, lightning bolts started bombarding the walls of my cavernous mind, releasing what seemed like 414.5 super balls all bouncing around in my head as I tried to come up with the perfect depiction of how uncomfortable it is for a guy to wear a thong.

Well… the best way I can describe such an awkward sensation is for you to use your imagination for a moment.

Imagine a 70 year old, fat, bald headed midget bible school teacher, following you around with the four fingers of his right hand stuck between your butt cheeks, singing in a high pitched squeaky voice… “Go Tell It On The Mountain!”

No matter where you try to go the little scalawag is right there, fingers in the cheeks, hideously singing away!  “Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere…!”

You can twirl to the right, you can twist to the left, you can squirm all you want but he’s not going away!  “Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere…!”

His boney little wart fingers are stuck between your butt cheeks… very prickly, his repulsive singing voice is attracting attention from horrified onlookers… very awkward, you can’t sit down it just makes it worse… very uncomfortable!

So to sum it all up for you ladies out there, guy thongs are prickly, awkward, and uncomfortable, that’s why we don’t wear them… in public that is!

Whew… after that one I believe I can now describe my style of writing.  Something like “Intellectual Stupidity” Let’s just call it “Stupigence”!

~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com