To keep myself entertained and well informed, I’ve been watching the Discovery Channel series “Ancient Aliens”.

In short, there is strong evidence, and it is becoming widely believed that highly advanced civilizations from other worlds not only visited our primitive earth tens of thousands of years ago, but also through genetic manipulation took a stinky ole caveman and produced hu-man as he is today.

Well not quite like he is today, they didn’t give him the internet, clothes or cel-phones; instead they gave him slave labor!

HOT DOG… thanks guys! (more…)

Ever since researching some articles online about stupid stuff for some inspiration, I’ve been thinking, thinking of going for some counseling and attending TA meetings.  Some guy named Bill wrote an article about being a “Recovering Thinker” and I think Thinker’s Anonymous might be just the thing I need!

Sometimes I get so immersed in thought that I can’t think straight and we all know what thinking crooked can do to a person… make him write about stupid stuff!

I can’t say that I’ll ever really stop thinking though; after all I’ve been doing it ever since the whole womb embryo thing.  Obviously I don’t remember all my embryonic thoughts but I do remember one thought as an embryo…

“GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!”

The second embryonic thought I can remember was after waiting nine months to grow limbs and lungs and stuff so I could start kicking and making mummy dearest really uncomfortable, I grew fingernails and I was able to rip open my watery prison and squeeze out into the real world only to be hung upside down and smacked on the ass by a masked man!  What the…?

Had I known then what was to become of thinkers in the twenty first century I may have chosen a different path to follow, like becoming a politician, meteorologist or a court appointed lawyer; they don’t have to think or can be wrong all the time and still get paid!

Whatever, by the time I was old enough to start school I was well on my way to becoming a ‘Closet Thinker’.  I had to sneak around and hide to think for myself more and more each day! I soon realized I was more than just an ordinary thinker, I was thinking for myself all the time.

I was fast becoming a heavy Thinkaholic, and with that I eventually came down with the Thinking Disease, ‘Thinkeritus’!

Thinkeritus sufferers, as you may know, tend to think for themselves which leads to… ‘Asking Questions’.  This is often misinterpreted as being obstinate or noncompliant, and so mistreatment of the Thinkaholic by trying to get them to stop thinking for themselves and asking questions usually results in them becoming… well obstinate and noncompliant!

A Thinkaholic cannot just sit idly by and let some ‘ASSBAG’ tell them that it doesn’t matter WHY just do it anyways; this just causes the Thinkeritus sufferer to become irritated because it gives him MORE to think about!

For instance, when as a Thinkaholic I would be caught ‘thinking on the job’, my boss would call me off to the side and say, “Snarp, your thinking on the job has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job and asking questions, I’ll have to let you go.”  This, as you can imagine gave me even more to think about!

Even though I knew that thinking while working isn’t allowed, I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to, I’m a Thinkaholic, I’m addicted, I admit it!

When my status as an intense thinker became more obvious, and I ran out of closets to think for myself in, I began to think for myself in the open, and because one thought always leads to another, I am what I am today: a major Thinkaholic!

So I can’t wait for the day when I can walk into that door standing tall and say, “Hi… my name is Snarp… Snarp Farkle and I am a Thinkaholic and I suffer from type 2 Thinkeritus…. I think!”

~ Snarp

www.snarparkle.com

I’ve been watching people go through some pretty intense mood swings lately and so decided to look into what may be the cause.  There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by strategically placed small amounts of cranial high explosives.  But who can afford those?

That would be a quicker solution but too messy!  I came across something that may clarify why these intense mood swings are leaving estranged people laying all over the place… bizarre as it may sound… they’ve been eaten and replaced by  MENTALLY CHALLENGED SPACE ALIEN CANNIBALS!

THEY’VE BEEN ALIEN-ATED!

This would explain everything!

You, your neighbor, wife, kids or husband may have been eaten and replaced by a mentally challenged space alien!  So how do you know if you, your neighbor, wife, kids or husband has become a feast for a mentally challenged space alien cannibal?

To Identify Mentally Challenged Space Alien Cannibals look for these ten signs…

1. Weird or mismatched clothes. “Often mentally challenged space aliens don’t fully understand the different styles, so they wear combinations that are in bad taste, such as checked pants with a striped shirt or a tuxedo jacket with just sneakers,” noted Brad Steiger, a renowned UFO investigator and author.

Uh-oh… This makes sense, my granddaughter dresses funny and a coworker was wearing one lime green sock and one hot pink sock yesterday!

2. Strange diet or unusual eating habits. Mentally challenged space aliens might try to eat french fries with a spoon or down large amounts of alcohol or pills, the experts say.  Hmmm…

3. Bizarre sense of humor. Mentally challenged space aliens who don’t understand earthly humor may laugh during a serious company training film or tell jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.

Uh-oh…

4. Mentally challenged space aliens take frequent sick days. A mentally challenged space alien might need extra time off to “rejuvenate its energy,” said Dr. Thomas Easton, a theoretical biologist and futurist.

Uh-oh… Yes I’ve seen this too!

5. Mentally challenged space aliens might keep a hand-written or online diary. “Mentally challenged space aliens continuously gather information,” Steiger said.  Uh-oh… FACE BOOK!

6. Misuses everyday items. “A mentally challenged space alien may use white-out to paint its nails, or brush its teeth with white shoe polish” said Steiger.

Uh-oh… I think my roommate does this!

7. Constant questions about our customs. Mentally challenged space aliens who are trying to learn about our Earth culture may ask questions that seem to be stupid, Dr. Easton said. “For example, a mentally challenged space alien may ask why so many Americans picnic on the Fourth of July, or tie their shoes one at a time” noted Steiger.  Uh-oh…

8. Secretive about personal life-style and home. “A mentally challenged space alien won’t discuss domestic details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends,” said Steiger.  Uh-oh…

9. Frequently talks to himself. “A mentally challenged space alien may not be used to speaking as we do, so a mentally challenged space alien may practice speaking when it thinks it’s alone,” Steiger noted.  Uh-oh…

10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near high-tech hardware. “A mentally challenged space alien may experience a mood change when using a microwave,” said Steiger.

Uh-oh…

The experts pointed out that a person would have to display most of these traits before you can positively identify him or her as a mentally challenged space alien.  Uh-oh… that means…

OMG… I’VE BEEN ALIEN-ATED!

~ Snarp

www.snarparkle.com