Absurdly Addicted!

??huh??

Well in case you haven’t noticed you haven’t had your dose of Snarp Farkle since… well last year!

Yeah it’s 2011, no really, and I’m back in Silver City for this article, continuing my efforts to confuse and bewilder this little corner of Iowa!  I think I’m addicted to that look of “HuH…??? Wha…???”

The looks I get whenever I open my mouth are just… just priceless!  Haven’t had this much fun since putting mustard in my cousins tea years ago!

You can’t smell mustard in tea, and he thought he was being smart by smelling the sugar for salt and coffee creamer for wallpaper paste before using them, as he’d already been unpleasantly surprised by both of those a couple of times!  Heh-heh…

So I let him get used to not finding anything wrong for a little while then loaded up his tea with mustard.  This took several days of repulsive experimenting to get just the right texture and hideous taste without unveiling any clues as to what was just about to occur!

He dipped his pinky into the sugar bowl, then hesitantly raised his hand to his mouth to test it… okay its sugar.  Then dipped his pinky into the powdered coffee creamer… reluctantly taste tested it also… hmm no wallpaper paste.

He then smelled the tea as if he knew something was amiss… but it smelled like tea, so he loaded it up with sugar and creamer then stirring… stirring… stirring… “Come on man drink it already!” I thought to myself in near blissful anticipation!

Then as if in slow motion his hand reached for the cup handle… “Do it… Dooo iiiit!!”

Finally he picked it up… looked down over the cup at me across the table, cross-eyed focusing in on my face in a last ditched effort to catch me snickering or giving any hint that I was up to something.

But with a face of stone I just kept telling myself, “Wait for it… waaaiiit forrr it… don’t make eye contact… almost there… closer… closer…”

When his eyes closed just as the rim of the cup reached his lips, I knew that I had reached a pinnacle of supremacy in true “Stupigence”!  I had just instantly become intellectually stupid for the very first time… it was glorious… it sort of felt like… like it must feel to achieve productive puberty!

Just nanoseconds before the taste of that hideous impish nectar reached his tongue, I no longer feared discovery of my dastardly deed.  I allowed the right corner of my mouth to rise slowly in a half sneer as I glanced up to meet his now quivering eyelids, quivering uncontrollably from the chemical reaction to both his taste buds and his obviously churning stomach lining and shivering esophagus.

This concoction must have the same effect as helium on the vocal chords because when he tried to say something that sounded a lot like “ulilbasser”, it was almost… well demonic!

Not being able to control his distorting facial expressions from the ‘mustardly’ essence of tainted tea, he gave me those looks… those looks of absurdity… those looks of “HuH…? Wha…?”  Yes I am absurdly addicted to “HuH…? Wha…?”  ’, love it!

So many minds… so little time!

~ Snarp

www.snarparkle.com[1]