Conveniently Green!

[1]Is it just me or has anyone else seen an odd pattern emerging in the whole “Going Green” thing? What the hell is this phrase supposed to mean anyway?

No lassies and ladies it’s not about what you’re going to wear to your favorite pub on St Patty’s Day, and for god’s sake the term “green underwear” means the color green not “moldy college dorm grundies”!

“Going Green” doesn’t even mean what you leave in the toilet after a night of green beer and sauerkraut! Huh? Never mind.

No my Celtic-wana-be’s here’s what I found that the eccentric ones of ultimate knowledge want us to do to be “Green”.

“Think before you eat.” Yeah what a concept! How in hell could we possibly not think before we eat? Well I guess if you’re a politician, lawyer or a Jesus Obama fanatic then that may be good advice but for the rest of us we think 24/7! Duh!

“If we don’t buy locally grown produce then we’re harming the environment.” Oh yeah, because the fruit or vegetable we’re about to buy may have traveled thousands of miles to get to our local store.

You’re not fooling me, fruits and veggies can’t even drive! Well then again…

“Buying locally means our purchase will support local farmers.” I’m all for that but its friggen February for god’s sake and all the smart farmers from around here are in Florida picking their noses and sipping on margaritas!

So where are the fruit and veggies going to come from in the winter? We’re supposed to eat them to stay healthy aren’t we? But of course we have to pay more for them if they don’t have costly pesticides all over them, and they’re still going to be thousands of miles away, but now rotting in warehouses because we can’t drive them here!

Here’s another one. “When shopping check the garment labels for ingredients like organic cotton and even bamboo.”

Someone please tell me how the hell cotton can be gotten by any other means than organic? Inorganic cotton? What, do we secretly get cargo ships of Martian Cotton? How about those shipments of Plutonian Plums? “Hey bartender, give me a shot of that Jupitarian Jubilee Jumping Juice”!

Is it or is it not grown… on a plant… in the ground… on earth? How can you get any greener than that?

And the last time I tried to wear bamboo jeans I couldn’t even bend my legs!

“Paper or plastic?” How about neither! I want my groceries packed in 400 pound stainless steel containers! Let’s see how strong those carry out boys really are!

Convenience brought us to where we are today, are we really ready to give it all up? Well I know one thing for sure you’d better be willing to give up some of that “green cash” if you want to “get green” because it ain’t going to be conveniently cheap!

Don’t believe me? Just take a look at dieting stuff, health foods, vitamins, and my favorite… deadly mercury vapor filled light bulbs! And they’re not even from Mercury!

Hmm, bartender bring me some of that Jupitarian Jubilee Jumping Juice and let’s conveniently think about it some more!

~ Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com[2]