Driving Me Crazy!

As most of you know I’ve been traveling back and forth to Iowa helping ‘Austin’s On The Trail’ get up and running and it’s been an experience to say the least.

I’ve learned some interesting things on my visits to Iowa, like ‘How to ride the wave’ and accumulate mega ‘wave points’ for one.  I also learned some new ‘whodathunkits’, and a major one is to limit myself on the ‘Snarp Water’!

(‘Whodathunkit’, which is short for ‘who-would-of-thunk-it, are life’s lessons we learn through bewilderment!)

Three ‘Snarp Water’s’ put me down… hard, but I was still in designer mode and I don’t think that should count.  ‘Snarp Water’ is for sipping, not gulping and if anyone tries to give you ‘Snarp Water Shooters’ I guarantee they are out to hurt you… RUN AWAY!

‘Snarp Water Shooters’ will melt your shoes to the floor so you can’t walk and if you try you WILL fall down!  Take my advice and don’t be fooled by the ‘namby-pamby’ sound of the ingredients of ‘Snarp Water’.  Just because it’s made using cinnamon and peppermint doesn’t make it a wussy drink, it will hurt you!

However if you do find yourself doing ‘Snarp Water Shooters’ take off your shoes and don’t be surprised if you wake up on the floor… any floor, and if you mixed them with beer you’ll probably have a hangover but your flatulence will be minty fresh!

Nothing would have been better than a cool glass of ‘Snarp Water’ about half way back to Ohio last week though. Normally it takes about 12 to 14 hours to drive from Iowa to Ohio, this time it took about 51 hours!

If I had been driving the whole 51 hours that would be an average speed of 17 miles per hour, which would have been lightning speed for me about 3 hours into the trip!

Just this side of Des Moines Iowa it started to rain and my truck decides to have a hissy-fit!  Keep in mind that this poor ole boy has over 309,000 miles on it and has given me just about as many ‘whodathunkits’ over the years I’ve owned it too!

All of a sudden it starts jerking and kicking and bucking and snorting like a big ole Brahma bull!

”CA-POP-CA-PAP-CA-PING-CA-CHUNK-WHIRRR-POW-POW!”,  then again…

”CA-POP-POW-CA-PAP-POW-POW-CA-PING-POW-CA-CHUNK-WHIRRR-POW-POW-WHIRRR!”

The ole boy started jerking so bad that hot coffee jumped out of my cup onto my leg, sun glasses came flying at me from the dash, my head was nodding back and forth like a Jewish Dude at the praying wall on steroids which caused my cigar to hit the steering wheel immediately sending a shower of hot flaming sparks in my face, down my shirt, between my legs, and I can see flames shooting out of my tail pipe in the mirror!

“What the… OUCH- OOO-AHHHHHH!!”

I finally get off to the side of the freeway, put out the fires in my seat, my chest and saved the ‘boys’ with some bottled water!  It then took me about 14 hours to go 230 miles to find civilization with an AutoZone that of course had to order my part, so I got a room, next day fixed my truck, and so 26 hours later headed home only to find that the bars were closed!

That’s just wrong!

~ Snarp

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