Exploding Crackers!

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Peanut Butter makes up about 30% of my daily food intake. Well maybe 50% for the last couple weeks… hey I’ve been busy.

I’ve become like a peanut butter connoisseur of sorts I suppose. When they had that peanut butter e-coli scare a while back I almost cried!

What would I eat… real food? What… like eggs? They’re poisonous too now! Sheesh it’s getting harder and harder to trust in the cheap-o brands anymore.

Needless to say I don’t buy generic brand peanut butter anymore. Peter Pan peanut butter just reminds me of the movie and those filthy kids never washed their hands so that brand is out!

The TV jingle “Choosy Mothers Choose Jiff” came to mind the last time I went to the store and since I am choosy and I have been called a mother from time to time, that’s what I’ll get from now on.

Now I don’t eat peanut butter right out of the jar, that’s just wrong. I put it on crackers mostly, or toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Which by the way you must make the toast first, if you try to toast it afterwards you’ll make a hell of a mess, and maybe even catch your kitchen on fire so don’t do it! Also peanut butter and bananas is just sick!

If there are no crackers in the house I have used tortilla chips or some of those little cheese crackers with some success.

Anyways you get the drift… I love my peanut butter! I’m a PB addict and I don’t care!

Well all this is leading up to something really important that you all need to be informed of… EXPLODING CRACKERS!

Exploding crackers really tick me off!

This is an odd and disgusting phenomenon that until recently I just didn’t give much thought to. But the last few boxes of crackers that I’ve bought have had these repulsive exploding crackers hidden inside at least one of the enclosed packages!

Okay this is how it happens… when I get the urge for a delightful little snack of PB and crackers. I stick the knife into the PB, pull out a cracker and proceed to spread the PB on it, and then consume it. All’s well and I then continue.

I could consume a dozen of them but then without any warning… BLAM! The cracker explodes and falls into my lap in tiny little pieces and the PB ends up stuck to my jeans right between my inner thighs! What the…?

They’re tricky little devils too, you might get through three of the four packages in the box before running into one, but then it happens… BLAM! Then after a having a couple more successful mouthwatering PB cracker morsels… BLAM! It happens again! What the…? Damn, what a mess!

Peanut butter doesn’t clean up so easily and what was once an enjoyable delectable custom is now a frightening experience!

I’m not sure who’s responsible for this hideous dastardly deed, perhaps some punk kid stock boys using the boxes as footballs or maybe a disgruntled displaced ex-banker after his firm went belly up found himself as a grocery store stock boy, but somebody’s gonna pay!

~ Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com[2]