That’s Just Wrong!

There that’s better!

You can adapt this little prayer for your needs simply by changing “coworkers” for “family, friends, children, siblings, geezers, etc., or self”!

Say it just before bedtime to help relieve the day’s anxiety that they have given you, and every morning before you encounter them since you already know what to expect!

I’ve already tried killing them with kindness but the words ‘killing them’ keeps getting louder each time I think of that saying and killing people… well that’s just wrong… damn it!

And dealing with strangers, well just remember everyone seems ordinary until you get to know them for at least fifteen minutes, then they’ll probably be just as asinine as everyone else you deal with so don’t feel bad if you start to think about plummeting them in the face with a riding lawn mower!

Sometimes however people can fool you into thinking that they are n-n-n-normal and pull it off for years!  Countless times I’ve heard people say that their spouse wasn’t ‘like that’ when they met and fell in love.  Well yes… yes they were!

This reminds me of a story I came across a while back that I must share with you.

There was an elderly couple sitting across from each other during an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our nine children.

Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away.  But, I must know, did he have a different father?”

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye; she pauses for moment and then confessed. “Yes… Yes he did.”

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife is admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, “Who… Who was he? …Who was the father?”

Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says: “You!”  Hee-Hee-Hee!

So you see, everyone you will meet is probably just as asinine, idiotic, and unstable as those you work with, grew up with, live with, fell in love with and all the other people you’ve encountered so far!

Just say the prayer making the necessary changes and only in extreme circumstances change the last sentence to “Just give me the Strength!  Forget the rest, just give me the Strength!  I promise I won’t beat them to death; I just want to beat them!  Give me the Strength! Give it to me!

That’s just wrong!

~ Snarp

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