They’re Just Nutty!

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks since my last article. I’m sitting in a hunting cabin somewhere in Missouri, as I start to write this article, and I’ll finish it in a little town somewhere in Iowa!

No matter what Son of Snarp tells you, I did not get all gooned up and make a wrong turn one night ending up three states away from home… this time… I came out here to help some friends get an old building fixed up so they can open a restaurant and bar named “Austin’s By the Trail”, in a little town called Silver City, Iowa.

What started out as a five day getaway to help some friends has evolved into a full scale construction project, stretching the very fabric of my handyman skills to their limits! Since they do have an opening date some sacrifices have to be made, it appears that my sanity may be one of those sacrifices as I agreed to stay behind to help.

As I watched Sage and Son of Snarp2 drive away, I started to wonder, were they leaving me behind because of my skills to help with the project or just trying to get rid of me like dropping off a stray dog?

After all they DID experience fourteen hours being cooped up in a dinky little car with Snarp Farkle on the way out here and that in itself could have been very mentally taxing for their mere human brains!

Hmm… no Snarp OCD on the way home, no stopping every two hours so Snarp can smoke or pee! No stupid Snarp questions every ten minutes like “Are we there yet?”, or the ever popular “Snarp Snore!” Hmm…

Well my friends here have been taking me to a few different pubs in the area where I have been using my exceptional detective skills to scope out the locals, digging into their psyche to see what makes them tick!

My skills were put to the test last night when I was taken to a bistro in some remote ‘Area 51’ like place in Missouri! I mean the place doesn’t even show up on the GPS or Google Maps! Only a ditch! What the…?

Needless to say we got lost… in sideways rain trying to follow two old duck hunters in their truck going 85 mph down the pitch black rain soaked back roads! After successfully avoiding the car sized pot holes, and moose sized deer we finally arrived!

A local lady in the buffet line insisted on helping me figure out what was what, and to my horror grabbed a big ole tong full of ‘Rocky Mountain Oysters’ and proceeded to put them on my plate.! “Oh these are the best mountain oysters in the state!” she said, “here have some more!” “AHHHHH STOP” I wanted to say aloud, STOP IT WITH THE NUTS!”

Cow nuts… on my plate… umm… there are nuts… cow nuts… on my plate… and… and… they want me to eat them… nuts… cow nuts! I of course tried to eat my way around those nasty little critters, and sneak them into my pocket so I could go to the bathroom and dispose of them, but no-o-o, the lady kept staring at me and insisting that I had to eat them!

‘Dude’, the guy next to me didn’t want to eat them either and I noticed him coating them with a half an inch of barbeque sauce then swallowing them whole! So trying to be polite and not ruffle the feathers of the locals… I… I ate cow nuts… I… I ate them, BUT I didn’t chew them or let them touch my tongue so it doesn’t count!

~ Snarp

www.snarpfarkle.com