We’re All Gonna Die!

To keep myself entertained and well informed, I’ve been watching the Discovery Channel series “Ancient Aliens”.

In short, there is strong evidence, and it is becoming widely believed that highly advanced civilizations from other worlds not only visited our primitive earth tens of thousands of years ago, but also through genetic manipulation took a stinky ole caveman and produced hu-man as he is today.

Well not quite like he is today, they didn’t give him the internet, clothes or cel-phones; instead they gave him slave labor!

HOT DOG… thanks guys!

Sheesh, an advanced extraterrestrial civilization progresses to the point of being able to travel through space to other planets and what do they do?  Pick Earth with its Cro-Magnon monkey people; mess with their genes by mixing in some of their own DNA to create a superior race of earthlings?  No… slave laborers and politicians!

What the…?

I may not be the smartest man on the earth… no really… but if I was sent out into the cosmos with a bag of fancy highly developed techno gadgets to explore new worlds, I certainly wouldn’t mix my DNA with monkey people to create p-p-p-politicians!  Hot little ladies to cater to my every need maybe, but never politicians!

What were they thinking?

Well I have my own theory of how all this could have taken place, for one thing evidence exists that they liked BEER!  Not only that but one of the first things they taught our newly deformed ancestors was how to make it… lots of it!

Now that explains some things, they were obviously drunker than skunks when they preformed their DNA experiments!

Here’s how I see it; a planet that travels through our solar system every so many thousands of years and passes close enough to earth for them to travel here, sent a team of explorers to scope out our resources and found that we had plenty of gold, hops, hemp and other natural resources for them to plunder since they screwed up their own planet becoming so highly advanced.

They can’t stay here very long without becoming sick from our atmosphere so they went back to report what they had found and develop a way to stay longer.  Like any advanced civilization their kids were a bunch of spoiled rotten jobless delinquents, so they decided to send ‘Junior Aliens’ to earth to mine for gold the next time they got close enough, to pay for wrecking the family saucers on a drunken drag race spree.

The ‘Junior Aliens’ really just wanting to party instead of wasting their time with w-w-w-work, got all highed up then set up a laboratory to start messing with monkey people DNA so they could get them to do the work for them!

Well a few mistakes were made along the way resulting in hideous creatures running around earth… lawyers, politicians, used car salesmen, and cats!

Now ‘Daddy Alien’ finds out what ‘Junior Alien’ has been up to and being repulsed at the sight of our newly enhanced ancestors then said, “WHAT YOU’VE HAD SEX WITH THEM TOO!  Junior when we get back in 2012 you’re gonna clean up this mess!”

We’re all gonna die!

~ Snarp

www.snarparkle.com[1]