Your A Geezer When…
by Snarp | November 18, 2011 3:56 pm
Lately my articles have seemed more like crazed ramblings of a potential Geezer than the normal crazed ramblings of a man with a deep cavernous mind that you have been accustomed to and I apologize for that.
I sometimes feel that I may be getting too old too fast. I mean it’s like life keeps creeping up on me and changing things faster than I can say; “Rumpis-echo-buba-doobalag-agasaurus-crum”!
It’s probably a new virus like ‘Pre-Geezeritus’, where we young folk are being infected with the symptoms of ‘Geezeritus’ prematurely!
So what are the symptoms of Pre- Geezeritus?
1) People are pissing me off faster.
2) Drivers are pissing me off faster.
3) Stores are pissing me off faster.
4) Kids are pissing me off faster.
5) Holidays are pissing me off faster.
6) Politicians are pissing me off faster.
7) Doctors are pissing me off faster.
8) Pissing me off is pissing me off faster.
If one or all of these symptoms are true for you then you may be infected with Pre-Geezeritus.
As an experiment I wanted to know if I was indeed on the short bus to becoming a Geezer, so I decided to start digging into Geezers psyche to see what makes them tick!
Geezers keep running into things and breaking hips and legs, then get two more shoe boxes of mind altering pills to take per day.
Geezers have to wear Depends to keep all the poop in one convenient place for easy cleanup. Geezers don’t like it when you sneak up behind them scaring the bejesus out of them refilling the newly changed Depends!
I still have two Geezers left, me Pops and me Mumsie. Currently they both are in the same Geezer Patch where the Geezer Nurses are taking pretty good care of them. A Geezer Patch is a nursing home, it’s where Geezers grow!
Mumsie is there because she took a fall out in the yard trying to gig groundhogs and thank god she landed on her head or she would have broke something for sure! She says she slipped in the wet grass so we’re buying her some golf shoes with 2” spikes and making her wear Depends to keep the grass dry the next time!
She was really out of it for a couple days; it was like she fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down! They’d ask her questions to see if she was coherent and she thought a quarterback was a refund!
When I went to see her the first thing I did was point to her ear and said, “Mumsie, why do you have a suppository in your ear?” Mumsie took the suppository out, looked at it and said, “Snarp, I’m really glad you saw this thing, now I think I know where my hearing aid is!”
Whew she had us worried there for a while!
Pops don’t remember much but he does have a mechanical mind; he just forgets to wind it up now and then, and he does lead the ‘League of Geezers’ in nostril hair growth so he has that going for him!
He does want a cattle prod for the ‘Old Raddie Geezers’ that get stuck in the hallways after falling asleep during their daily walk!
“JIZIZT!… JIZIZT!… JIZIZT … WAKE UP!”
Hmmm… mind altering pills, Old Raddie cattle prodding, 2” spikes, hearing aid suppositories, Depends and nasal hair competitions…
Maybe becoming a Geezer won’t be so bad after all!
~ Snarp
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