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“I’m not kidding either!!!”
~Snarp Farkle
A few years ago I wrote an article titled “We’re All Gonna Die!” It was all about my somewhat twisted belief in the evidence that highly advanced civilizations from other worlds not only visited our primitive earth many thousands of years ago, but also through genetic manipulation took Cro-Magnon monkey people and produced a hu-man as he is known today!
I thought about that article as I was digging someone else’s weird homeless cat’s grave, and no, I didn’t kill it, and I didn’t bury it alive either! I don’t know why that made me think of it, possibly because I also think they left behind some hideous “Experiments Gone Wrong Creatures” like mosquitoes, gnats, spiders, skunks, opossums, cats and politicians! Cats and politicians have a lot in common; they both are very good at burying their own mess!
This cat was made homeless when his owner died and he wandered into the yard, umm… not the dead owner, the cat, then of course SOMEONE had to feed it so it thought it would just stay… all winter! This cat was like a hundred years old; he was deaf, so it was worthless as a mouser, but he could still piss a four foot god awful smelling stream and drench everything in its path!
Anyways, this cat, like I said, was like a hundred years old and just up and died in his sleep last week in the garage on the riding lawnmower seat! [/ezcol_1half]
Sheesh, how rude! At least old dogs will wander off into the woods to die but not cats, they’ll be sure to die in all the places you don’t want them to! I had one die up under the hood of my car and I didn’t find it until I smelled burning hair and flesh as I was driving the next day! What the hell? I had to scrape it off my engine block with a putty knife and that’s just WRONG in so many ways!! Gasping and gagging and scraping it took me hours to get only most of it off and again… it wasn’t even my cat!
My offer to drop the weird homeless dead cat into the septic tank, which would be easy and good for the septic system, was rejected and I was asked to bury it instead! Plop-Plop-Fiz-Fiz and it would have been all over with, but oh nooo, I had to dig a grave! Digging a grave isn’t the same as digging a hole, a hole is just a hole but a grave is a hole for a carcass and there are just certain things that should be done, but an autopsy is just out of the question!
Wrapped up in the blanket he died on served as a casket and a black wheelbarrow worked as a hearse and so I gave the weird homeless dead cat a funeral behind the dead neighbors shed because hey, that’s where his home was for a hundred years, then I said some last words; “It was rude of you to die on the lawnmower seat!”
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com