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[ezcol_1half]I’ve been in a “zone” for the last couple of months now; a very strange and dark zone that sucks the brain cells right out of your skull! This is not the “Can’t Remember Schmit Zone” either like when you walk into a room to get something and can’t remember what the hell it was that you walked into the room to get!!

Yeah you’ve been in one of those too, but I’m not referring to that zone this time, this one is much more intensively stupid and hideously aggravating! The first zone I call the “Can’t Remember Schmit Zone” and is not destructive but may involve a lot of mild ‘Air Cussing’!

This zone however has multiple repulsive methods of destructive actions which hideously intersect with each other causing chain reactions of stupid things that require immediate action! Rapidly repeating ‘Air Cussing’ immediately ensues without hesitation while I try to react to avert further catastrophe! Dropping things, knocking things over, spilling things, breaking things, stepping on things, all manner of stupid things happen in this zone!

Let me give you one disgusting example; last night while trying to write this article… again, I had placed a freshly opened beer on the desk and settled in to my almost comfy office chair. I opened my laptop and pushed the start button then had to wait several minutes while Windows did yet another stupid unnecessary update and restart my machine whether I liked it or not and I did NOT like it! This was the fourth day in a row that stupid Microshit interrupted my almost productive efforts to be almost really productive in writing my lovely almost really articulate article!

Every time this happens all my settings will bereverted to Microshit’s default settings and all the stupid apps and the ‘BitchTana’ I deleted reappears and tries to take over my machine under the guise of making my life pleasantly easier! [/ezcol_1half]

MAJOR, and I mean MAJOR ‘Air Cussing’ immediately began at ‘BitchTana’ as she was asking how she could help me! “Go BLEEP …self is what you can do!!” And then she had the gull to say, “I don’t understand the question, please try again.” “AAAAHHH!!... BLEEP-TA-BLEEP-BLEEPING-BLEEP”, CERPLUNK”! I just knocked over my freshly opened bottle of beer while attempting to flip off ‘BitchTana’ on my monitor!

“What the… AAAAHHH!!!” Beer was going everywhere, all over my desk, the mouse pad, running off the back of the desk, down the wall toward the electrical outlet, the front of the desk heading for the slide out drawer and my desktop computer’s keyboard, and no matter how fast I tried to pick up the beer bottle at least half of it escaped and it tends to start foaming out like a volcano once I set it up right!

At the same time I’m trying to get the roll of paper towels, which is just out of reach, to soak up as much of the precious liquid before it can cause any damage but have to stop half way to put the beer bottle in my mouth to curb the volcanic beer flow which now drips into my lap and my almost comfy office chair!

“What the…” I grab the paper towels and commence soaking up the beer avoiding the electrical outlet, push the keyboard out of the way of the front dripping beer flow while trying to swallow volcanic beer foam from the bottle all within a few seconds, but it took me over an hour to clean up the mess and take control of my machine again!

Air Cussing isn’t a reaction in this case, it’s a requirement, you’re in a… “Air Cussing Zone”!

~ Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com