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Ok I've been asked by the editors not to mention poop for a while in my articles so you won't see any mention of poop in this article! I'm removing the word poop from my mind for the duration of writing this article and I'm sorry if you’ll miss my poop writings but poop is not allowed for a while. I don’t know when I’ll be able to write about poop so you’ll have to go poopless until I can write about poop again!
Once again there will be no mention of poop whatsoever in this article!
Now on to something more productive, literally! SEX! I was somehow trapped in the thought about; "The birds and the bees" and I don’t know how or why I got there, but my mind is like a fine tuned Swiss clock that sometimes doesn't get wound all the way and gets stuck between a TICK and a TOCK where time stands still! I call this state of mind a TOICK!
Anyways this TOICK state was triggered by the phrase "The birds and the bees" and I suddenly realized that I never was given the “TALK” about the birds and the bees! In fact I never had to give the “TALK” to any of my kids either because by the time I figured it was important to address the subject they had already learned all about it at school! However if I had been given "The birds and the bees" talk I certainly would have passed on the tradition to my kids as well! [/wpcol_1half]
I was kind of appalled at what I found in the results I got after Binging the phrase. Some people are so askeered to even think about telling their kids the truth about sex that they’ve made up some stupid stories like; “The bees make the honey. The birds eat the bees. The bees become compost which helps flowers grow. The flowers produce nectar. The bees collect the nectar. The bees make honey.” HUH???
Everyone knows how little girls are made; “The birds and the bees gather a pot of honey and add frogs and snails and puppy dog tails, then add sugar and spice and a few things nice and cook it really slow, which results in a lovely baby girl, then the stork delivers the baby to the woman.”
I don’t know about you but this version would have made me really pissed at whoever cut off puppy dog tails, not to mention the boiling of live frogs and snails just to make a yucky girl! My god I can still imagine the little guy’s yelping in horror and the frogs and snails making a popping sound when their bodies exploded in the boiling honey!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!
Hell I learned about sex watching the neighborhood dogs and cats humping each other! The whole birds and bees thing is about as hideous as the thought of 95 year old women getting breast enlargement augmentations, just way too complicated to justify using up skull space in my book!
I think it would be better to just explain to a kid that asks about the birds and the bees; “One night when I was sleeping on top of mommy a bunch of bees flew in the window and kept stinging me on the butt! This went on for about a half hour which caused me to thrash about in pain on top of mommy until a bird flew in the window and started pecking all the bees off my butt which caused me to jump up and down while thrashing about on mommy and nine months later you were born!"
Keep it simple!
~Snarp