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~Snarp Farkle
With that said… to gain insight I watched a couple of episodes of the new “Ash vs The Evil Dead!” TV show! Some of you may think the show contains too much blood and gore, and well… yes there is a lot of that, but if you look past all that and just concentrate on the humor, which is not unlike my own, then the show won’t seem so gory… I’m not kidding either!
Anyways, in the show there are a lot of critters and filthy stinking rodents that get all evil on people, which took me deep into my bottomless twisted cavernous mind and there I find the thought of one such critter, and that’s the hideous annoying groundhog, a stupid stinking worthless friggen rodent which has absolutely no value to mankind whatsoever! Now you may be wondering, why is Snarp so down on the cutesy little groundhog?
Well… let me just tell you all about it then!
One fine sunny day, about a hundred years ago, I was walking through a field of tall grass, just being all blissful and at one with the earth, soaking in the warmth of the sun, and listening to all the wonderful sounds of nature around me. A moment in time was like I opened a door and stepped out of my busy little world, leaving behind all the cares, fears and worries and stepped into a peaceful place, a place with nothing but calmness and tranquility that was evident in the gently swaying grasses, the warmth of the sun and the sounds of bird song! I swear the birds were singing the song “The Sounds of Music” and I felt very special at that moment, lucky to have such an experience.
Sounds beautiful doesn’t it? [/ezcol_1half]
Well it was… for about five minutes! Yeah I was all peaceful and at one with the earth, until I stepped into a huge hole hidden by the tall grasses that swallowed my whole foot knocking me to the ground and just about broke my friggen ankle! “What the…?” One second I was upright and the next second… WHOOP! I was down on the ground on my hands and knees with my foot stuck in a hole! “Son of a Sea Biscuit!” I blurted out as I sat back on the ground to free my foot! At that same moment, the birds stopped singing, the grasses stopped swaying and cloud cover moved in to block the warm sun!
All was eerily quiet and still! As I finally free my foot and sat there rubbing my ankle, I hear this hideous sound, a growling sound coming from the hole! Then all of a sudden dirt starts flying out of it about two feet in the air and more snarling and growling sounds along with it! Then out pops this huge beastly creature, and stares right at me! Growling and snarling, showing its teeth and then started running at me! “What the… HOLY SHEET!” It looked like it was aiming for my ‘baby makers’ so I jumped up and ran for the truck as fast as I could with my sore ankle, screaming like a little girl!
AAAAAHH!
So yeah… groundhogs are stupid stinking worthless EVIL friggen rodents, that don’t really know if it’s winter or spring, that will ruin your blissful day, and eat your ‘baby makers’!
I’m not kidding either!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com