|
Reader
 |
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral of the story: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut! -- Will Rogers
Last night after hearing odd creature sounds in the woods, like a very painful constipated Big Foot, and what sounded like a very large owl, I started to wonder… did Big Foot swallow an owl whole, and is this the reason for the very painful constipated sounds it was making as he was pooping it out, all the while I was standing just a few feet away? It did sound as though it was dragging it’s ass around on the ground, like your dog does on the carpet after eating six socks and a dozen panties! Yeah, that’s what it sounded like, scooting from one side of the woods to the other as it was yelping!
Come to think of it, I didn’t hear the owl until after the third round of the very painful creature constipation sounds! I wasn’t sure if I should continue to stand there like a mannequin or run for it, because I started thinking, after all that he’s gonna want to wipe and what better to use as toilet paper but a nice plump soft human! Being used as Big Foot toilet paper is scary enough but I just happen to know that the area he was scooting around on his ass is all poison ivy!
The way it was scooting about on the ground trying to get that owl out of its ass, there certainly would be poison ivy hanging all over its hairy smelly butt, so not only would I be violated by being used as Big Foot toilet paper, [/ezcol_1half]I’d be covered in Big Foot hairy poop and infested with poopy poison ivy too? This is unacceptable, I won’t have it!
Walking slowly backwards towards the house didn’t work either; because the dead neighbor’s hundred year old deaf cat had creeped up behind me and almost tripped me! It was dark out and I didn’t even know he was there until he tried to pull his tail from under my foot which scared the bejesus out of me thinking it was Big Foot grabbing at my feet to commence with the ass wipe violation! “ AAAAAAAHH!”
What the hell? HAS NATURE GONE ALL BAT SHIT CRAZY? DAMN DEAF CAT!
I had to get conformation from someone else that I wasn’t just hearing things, not that it really means anything if I was the only one who heard it, there was some hideous creature out there with an owl stuck in its ass and it wasn’t very happy about it! Neither was the owl!
Tis the season to be jolly? ‘Tis the season’ alright, tis needs to be open season on owl swallowing Big Foots right now! He wasn’t singing Fa-La-Friggen-La, La-La-Damn-La, it sounded more like “guB-muH-haB to me!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com