I Know Something!

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[ezcol_1half]

This article might actually cause a rift in the space-time continuum… just saying!

Ever since I was a teensy-weensy itty-bitty lad, even while in the womb, all I wanted was to know things. My curiosities were endless; sometimes they would be somewhat exhilarating, but sometimes they could be horrifying! My first ‘horrifying in the womb curiosity’ was why Mumsie would wait until she was lying down in bed to simulate jogging! This must have drove Pops crazy too because he was always lying on top of us trying to hold her down! I was glad after a few months that she slowed down the jogging simulations; all that sloshing around in umbilical fluid ten times a day was really making me seasick and in the womb if you throw up you end up eating it again!

I hate it when that happens!!

My last ‘horrifying in the womb curiosity’ was at birth time; why in hell did I have to have my head compacted like a pear and traumatically forced out of my nice squishy warm home? Womb drama sucks!

The only problem with knowing things is that once you know, you can’t un-know! There are some things I wish I didn’t know, like ‘womb jogging’, but I know that I know and I know that I can’t un-know so I know that I’ll be forced to know some things forever! Knowing something is better than knowing nothing since to know nothing is impossible! No-thing is still a thing so it is actually some-thing! Knowing anything however, is still knowing something, so if you know anything at all you still know something! You cannot survive without the ability to ‘Know Something’!

When people stop looking down out of the [/ezcol_1half] corners of their slightly, squinted eyes, with a little tilt of their head, and just a slight turn of their neck towards me, giving me that… “Wait a minute” look, that’s my queue that the; ‘Emergency “Huh-What?” Confuse and Bewilder Cranial Grey Matter Reassertion Procedure’ is crucial to their survival, and perhaps even the survival of the human race… which really isn’t a race at all! If it were a race, the finish line would be death, and I don’t think anyone should rush to be the winner of that race! I'm not kidding!

Lucky for you that I’m a ‘Cranial Grey Matter Huh-What? Reassertion Technician’! I have, in my own little world, plans to build an ‘Emergency Huh-What Cranial Grey Matter Reassertion Machine’ so that I can help the world gain the ability of not just knowing anything, but knowing something! Even though knowing anything is actually knowing something, it is too broad a term and will cause laziness to spread into the population like a plague, then there would be billions of lazy ‘Anything Knowers’ drooling all over themselves and going cross-eyed making it impossible to know which eye to look at!

So you can see now that I know something, after all and have just administered your first dose of my ‘Emergency Huh-What Cranial Grey Matter Reassertion Machine’s’ ‘Emergency “Huh-What?” Confuse and Bewilder Cranial Grey Matter Reassertion Procedure’!

So many minds… so little time!

~Snarp