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[ezcol_1half]It’s getting close to that time of year again, that time when people start planning their long awaited summer cations. There are many types of cations, but the one you are most likely familiar with is the va-cation.
I need a cation, and I’m not kidding! I think I've had two ‘va-cations’, but one of them magically transformed into a ‘Shitcation’ rather quickly!
You can stop reading NOW… unless, of course, you want to be 0.005% smarter and you are willing to swim in an endless cesspool of rather deranged but enlightening thought! In that case, please read on! We’ll talk about the emotional ramifications later!
Still reading? Oh, ok… well I did warn you!
A shitcation is when you only THINK you're on a real va-cation, but everything goes wrong! Your car breaks down, you lose your cel-phone, you don’t remember anyone’s phone number because they are all conveniently stored nice and tidy on your now lost cel-phone, you forgot to make a deposit before you left and you are now overdrawn, you run out of cash and are 400 miles away from home, with no way to contact anyone or get enough gas to get back home!
THAT… is a shitcation!
I didn’t want one of those. I’d rather have had a ‘funcation’ or better yet. a ‘sexcation’, which can be either a ‘funcation’ or a ‘strangecation’ depending on who you are with! If you are by yourself however, it’s most likely an ‘Oddcation’ and please… please do not take any selfies!
Not all cations are bad, unless you're a teenager, then it’s a ‘Borecation’, or now days a ‘Lamecation’! The earliest cation I can remember was in 1969 when I, along with my parents, and my two ugly sisters went on a trek to Texas to see my oldest ugly brother before he was shipped off to Vietnam. [/ezcol_1half]
It started out as a ‘Borecation’ because I was like 16 in earth years, and it was my job to be bored! I think Pops would have classified this one as a ‘Major Shitcation’ though! Three kids, in a popup camper, in a Texas cow pasture campground, torrential rain which soaked everything, me screaming in shear horror when losing a foot in a freshly laid cow pie on my way back from the outhouse, which caused a stampede because I spooked the cows with my shrills of cow pie foot terror!
Hahaha! Watching all those people running around trying to catch bug eyed cows was hilarious! If it wasn’t for cow pie foot, this cation could have turned into a ‘funcation’! At least on the way home we got to stay at a motel because everything was soaking wet from the hideous cow pasture campground monsoon the night before! As it turned out this was the day that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon, and I got to watch it on… get this… on COLOR TV!!
Oh yeah, that’s right, uh-huh, COLOR TV! Whoohoo! How do you like me now!! Ok, so what if the moon landing stream was in black and white, I got to watch it on COLOR TV! Hahaha!
This article goes out to Mumsie, as she kept our sanity together on that cation just like mothers always do, even though she laughed at my cow pie foot, Happy Friggen Mother’s Day to all you mothers, male and female!
Take a cation, use your imagination and just go do it!
My philosophy is: Insanity is doing the same thing day after day, and then hoping to do the same thing again tomorrow!
~Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com