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Over years I’ve written about 190 “Voice Magazine” articles and this article isn’t in my website’s archives, so after attending my 45th year class reunion I decided to put it up here for my classmates to see if any of them remember this fateful day in the fifth grade!
My 5th grade teacher was a bit of an OCD stuffed shirt type of guy. Teaching was more of a job than a passion with him. He dressed like James Bond with his hair all slicked back with Brylcream and he wore those brown leather loafers with the little leather tassels dangling off the center of the tongue.
He liked things to be in order; he liked thinking he was in control while holding the future of 30 eleven year olds in the palms of his hands each day. He also liked to hear himself talk and did not like being interrupted.
This one fateful day though his life was about to change, he didn’t know that morning while standing in front of his mirror combing the Brylcream into his hair that he was about to learn a valuable lesson in life…
He’s sitting on his desk with one foot on the floor and the other one dangling from the desktop and he’s blabbering on about something that I really didn’t care about.
My desk is directly in front of his because he liked to taunt me about sitting still all the time, when out of the blue I start feeling a little queasy, so I raised my hand, like a good little Snarp, to get his permission to go to the restroom but he ignores me. He continues to yak on, glaring down at me obviously disturbed that I wasn’t about to give up and put my hand down, I had an important question damnit![/ezcol_1half]
Well after 20 minutes of Mr. Flu creeping up on me, my stomach getting queasier by the second, the teacher continuing to yak and not calling on me to see what I wanted, I finally gave up trying to be polite and just hurled about a gallon of green colored oatmeal laden bile all down his pant leg and all over his socks and nicely polished brown leather loafers with the little leather tassels!
Ha-Ha-Ha!!
This not only got his attention to stop ignoring me and tell me I could go to the restroom but started a chain reaction of some of the weaker stomached classmates too! Nothing like the smell of fresh bile first thing in the morning to brighten your day!
Ha-Ha-Ha!
After a day at home recuperating I returned to school and got a few pats on the back from male gender classmates for performing such a classic hurl while the females kept telling me how sick and disgusting it was!
There’s a difference in being ill with a twisted stomach and being sick with a twisted mind. I was ill but ignored which made me sick and twisted my mind to react to my situation! Needless to say from that day on I always got his attention, he moved me to the back of the room and I never saw him wearing those nicely polished brown leather loafers with the little leather tassels again!
Lesson of the day…
Don’t… ignore… the Snarp!
Ha-Ha-Ha!
~ Snarp
www.snarpfarkle.com