Unacceptable!

Reader

So little minds, so many time!

~Snarp Farkle

[ezcol_1half]

Until a couple years ago I had not needed, wanted or seen a doctor for more than 25 years! There’s good reasons for that too, like cats and women all doctors are spooky and they are always after blood! I’ve been able to successfully avoid doctors all these years, but when I ran out of apples they finally caught up with me and now they’re prodding and poking, stabbing and sewing, X-raying and blood sucking, and lately wanting to shove things down my throat and up my buttocks! (‘Buttocks’ is the silly politically correct version of the word ass!)

This is unacceptable!!!

Why is it when they can’t figure out what’s wrong with you they always go for the silly politically correct version of the word ass? They want to put things in there, cut things up and take things out and instantly remove my virgin status! Oh I’m not kidding either; they don’t call it a “ColonUpYourSki” for nothing! Things are getting shoved up there and I hope everything they shove up there they also remove, I don’t want any surprises down the line like getting a phone call a month later telling me; “Mr Farkle, we need you to come back in, most likely to have another “ColonUpYourSki”, the Dr. can’t find one of the bunny slippers he was wearing that day!”

AAAAHHH!!

First they stick me in a giant doughnut machine to scan for cats, they said they didn’t find any but soon after that they stuck me in an electronic coffin for a MRI which must stand for a “Maybe we’ll Ream Im” test because right after that they wanted to do the “ColonUpYourSki!” So if they didn’t really find any cats in there, what’s all the fuss about? [/ezcol_1half]

And get this... the night before the dreaded “ColonUpYourSki!” procedure, I have to purposely take four giant “PoopYurSelf” pills and drink some hideous concoction to make sure I poop myself REAL good… all night long! Then in the morning I have to drink more of the hideous concoction to make sure I poop myself REAL good… all day too!

This is SO unacceptable!!!

Who thinks this shtuff up? What kind of sicko sits around dreaming up ways to make people shite themselves for a whole night and day just so the doctor doesn’t get any poop on him while shoving things up your hiney? My biggest fear is that after doing a thousand or more “ColonUpYourSki’s”, do the doctors start talking to the hineys and saying things like; "You are an absolutely breathtaking hiney, I mean you are looking good hiney, I want to be friends with you!"

AAAAAAAAHHH!! UNACCEPTABLE!

All I can say is that they better get all the “ColonUpYourSki’s” hiney info they need; there will not be a second time, as it is I’ll be curled up in the fetal position for a week waiting for my hiney dignity to heal!

~Snarp